Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Ice shatters

My heart is heavy as I look for my place in this world.
I haven't a clue where I left my mind. 
I haven't a clue at all. 

Over the rainbow we go, off to Neverland we soar. 
My heart rings empty as I lay my head down for bed.  
What will the stars bring tonight?
How will the moon guide me next?

What ever happened to faith? And why did I ever stop believing? 

My eyes see nothing 
My faith was shattered 

Walk the thin line, break the camel's back.
Beg for me. Let me have that sparkle your eye so desires. Can I just be enough? 

Circling my mind, I feel frozen. 
I feel frozen in every way; my heart... My ability to breathe... Everything... Frozen. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

China Doll

"Everything I want I have
I even think I found God
I can be your china doll
If you wanna see me fall
Your love is deadly
They all think I have it all
I've nothing without you
All my dreams and all the lights mean
Nothing without you
Gold and silver line my heart
But burned into to my brain all these stolen images
I planned on living on the dark side of the American dream
I don't want to see all the things I've seen
They sing, "She's dying, she's dying"
That's the little story of the girl you know"

It was that moment I awoke from a dead sleep. Sweat covering my body, my breathing out of sync. It had been a week straight... a whole week of nightmares. My mind was racing and as my eyes were searching for some kind of comfort. 
As the nights carried on, my nightmares were becoming more and more disturbing. What were they trying to tell me? What clue was I not catching? 
My heart could not feel more heavy as I close my eyes and count to five (an old trick a doctor had exposed me to, "Close your eyes, breathe as you count to five, when you open your eyes, your fear will be vanished"). It worked when I was little, but now? As I opened my eyes, I could still feel fear all around me. 
All I wanted to be was a dreamer.

"You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself"-- Glinda, The Wizard of Oz

"When you love someone... truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt- you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul"--  Sherrilyn Kenyon

What beautiful words... sick beautiful words.

"The scars that trace my body are reminders of the fights with the faceless demon inside my head, that turned out the lights" - Unknown

I love unmade beds. I love spilled coffee. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people's eyes when they realize they're in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they've forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I love the hurt on people's face when they break their lover's heart. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their dreams. 

My heart beats
My heart beats 
Beating... it beats 

Friday, December 6, 2013

World Ignite

I've fallen somehow, lost my head
Love is the cloud , that keeps raining down
Where are you now when I need you around
We made a mess of what once was love.
You wait for a silence, I wait for a word
You change your position and you are changing me
Casting these shadows where they shouldn't be
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me
You must have missed it, you always do
Could have given me something
You left me kneeling
I was one of those people
For what it's worth
You were my backbone when
My blood drained without mercy
Just as the dark was rising
You closed the door again
The truth that dealt the consequence
I know I'm gonna weep my heart out
You know I'm gonna try much harder
But it isn't the items in my head
Pulling me under this time
Now the smoke has cleared
And the end is near
It was my illusion
I feel like I am seeing again
I feel like I am breathing again
Like painkiller I take it
And I watch the world ignite




Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Soul of Mine

I looked away as you looked back at me
"If I had my way, I'd never get over you" 
My heart turns with your sickness
After every hit you take; with every feeling I get. 

Oh my oh my my my
Your blood is on the wall 
Your blood is on the wall 
Cry to me, let it sing 
Where do you go 
Where do you go to leave me 
If it were my world, I would run through rivers
I would climb the clouds 
I would never look back 

I need to know I can still make explosions

My pen slipped out of my hand and onto the floor as my heart sank deeper into my lungs.
My eyes blinked fast, hoping to erase what my ears could confirm. 
My heart was going to break. As simple as that.
I'll never understand why 
Nor do I want to know. 

I could smile, I could laugh, I could love as deeply as possible... It still would not matter. 

I had the heart of a crow my father always said. Never to love, never to be loved. 
What silly people, what silly lovers

Oh this soul of mine
Oh this heart of mine
Oh this love of mine