Monday, April 22, 2013

Hand Cuffs

If I were to tell you I knew it would turn out this way, I would not be telling you the truth. I have no idea how I became consumed with the idea of freedom. To not be caged by anyone or anything is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I guard my heart and soul from the people in my life: my parents, my sister, my friends, the men that are brave enough to try--I give them nothing, they all leave with nothing. When did I become so terrified of being in a cage, that I had basically slammed and locked the cage door?
Maybe we are only allowed a certain amount of closeness to people and once you use them up, that's it.
Maybe I wasn't born to be a daughter, belonging to no one.
Maybe I wasn't built to be a sister, belonging to no one.
Maybe I was meant to be the other woman, belonging to no one. Maybe I feel safe in my self contained cage.
Maybe I like the fact I put myself in and no one else did.
Every night I prayed that I would find my people. I wished on shooting stars that I would wake from my dreams.
I counted crosses. I counted stars.

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