When I was little, when something would upset me, I would disappear into my room. Once locked away in my room, I would hang my hand and shake my shoulders until I could fully compose myself. I would begin to clean. Moving one item to a new shelf and then back again. Once I was completely under control, I would run to my closet and turn out the light. My arms would fly up to reach the closest long sleeved clothing item my shaking hands could find. Once I grasped the fabric, I began to cry into it. Sobbing for the things I could not control. When sobbing no longer released enough flame, I began to scream into this piece of fabric. Screaming for all the things I hated. I would then grip the shirt with my teeth and bite down as hard as I could. I always envisioned I was draining blood from someone, something, anything. I never let myself finish crying. That just seemed like a treat. Taking the long sleeved shirt that I just raped, I would wipe my tears, open the door and slowly walk out. The light coming in from my single window would blind me. I never allowed myself to squint; The pain felt desired. Closing my closet door, I took one last look at my safe dark hole. I would then continue cleaning like nothing ever happened. To my amazement, I felt saved.
When I'm on, will you leave me on?
I'm going to take my time... night by night.
I'll hold my hair back.
Glaze over my eyes as I only can rescue me.
Make plans with your other hand.
Do not just lust me, my dear.
Touch my eyes as I touch the sky.
Kiss me so hard I forget the moment.
I wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes. Let's think about this... When you fall down the rabbit hole... you fall-- hard. "They" say when you resurface you come back a changed person. How long do you remain a "changed" person? What if you didn't want to change.. maybe you were happy about falling?
Definition of RABBIT HOLE
: a bizarre or difficult state or situation —usually used in the phrase down the rabbit hole.
If you were going through a difficult state, wouldn't you want to travel down the rabbit hole?
I think the rabbit hole is extremely deep. It's cold and dark... underneath any sign of fresh air or natural light.
When I was younger, I watched my father break his own heart. He ran trying to find all the pieces but came back emptied handed. I promised myself I would jump down the rabbit hole if I ever got to that point.
When I was younger, I absolutely loved waiting for the sun to go down so I could run outside and gaze at the stars. I thought if I stretched my arms high into the darkness, I would be able to rip a star from the night sky. It wasn't until I was older that I learned keeping a star for a pet would never happen.
Now, at 20 years old, it's still my favorite thing to do; tilt my head all the way back and just enjoy the tiny diamonds in a sea of darkness.
I can not apologize for being an actress. Nor can I apologize for having black hair and blue eyes. I can not and will not apologize for the characters I play. I can not apologize for my pale skin and my willingness to smile. I can not apologize for the success of my career or the characters I have been cast as. If you find bitterness in the things I can not apologize for, well then I am sorry for you. I can only thank those who support me. And I do, I thank you, all of my supporters!!!
"There will always be people who are bitter over their own lack of success, who will look at yours with green-eyed envy and try to cut you down to their level. If they can't have what you do, they think, they will at least do their best to tarnish it. They'll accuse you of arrogance when you are merely confident. They'll say that they don't get why you're successful and that you're not "all that". Never listen to them. Pity them.
Instead, do your best to prove them wrong. Help others become as good as you are, if you can. Share your talent. If you're miserly with your talent or full-of-yourself, you'll be giving your detractors more ammo. Prove them wrong. They won't go away, and they won't shut up, but everyone else will see how wrong they are. That's the best victory." - Drew Cothern
When I was a little girl, that time when my name was Angela, I was in love with rain. I believed it was the angels crying and when I went running though it, I would be washed clean of my sins. I would carry my poor little cat, Tigger out by the neck and throw her in a rain puddle. She did not have the same affection for rain as I did.