Friday, July 13, 2012

Chasing the rush of love

What's the rush to fall in love?
I really do not understand why people today are racing to fall in love... what's the appeal?
Being chained to someone sounds like the worst idea in the entire world. Maybe I am heartless or maybe I just have not found "the one" to change my views on the subject. Am I open to the idea of that "one love"? Maybe.. maybe not.
When I'm acting... that's the feeling of pure ecstasy. If I could find someone that could give me that high, then maybe I would settle into the idea of being chained.
Acting is so freeing. I get to be someone that I will never be. I get to say the things I am too afraid to say. I get to feel emotion... emotions that my heart, mind and body have pushed away into the black hole of my being. I get of all this from acting.. why on earth would I give that up to invest my time into a person? A person that can not promise me perfection. A person that can not promise me forever. Not like acting can. Call me crazy but I'm not asking you to agree.. I'm not even asking you to understand.
You can blame it on daddy issues, you can blame it on lack of kindness, but I enjoy freedom. I enjoy not being caged like a little bird.
"I'm a mess.. I must confess."
I want to buy a bike. Not just any bike... one with a basket and a bell.
I want to buy a bike. Closes thing to flying I'll ever get.
I want to buy a bike. Warming my skin under the suns control.
I want to buy a bike. Feeling free for a second or two.
I want to buy a bike. Only riding in a sun dress.. as they do in the movies.
I want to buy a bike. For no other reason but pure joy.