Friday, April 13, 2012

Oh, hi there crossroads... I'm not ready to choose

As all of you may know, I am an actress. I starting acting when I was four years old and I have always had the same plan in motion: Move to L.A. and work as an actress-- never look back. Now, this is all fine and dandy (still very much the plan) but what I did not know while I was "writing these plans in stone" is what about college?
Going to college was never really something I knew was going to work for me-- I'm not the studying type. My junior year of high school I learned of all these Conservatories just for art students... and my mind was blown. I would have never thought in a million years I could go to college and not have to take math, science, and crap, crap, crap. And to actually be in a school where EVERYONE loved and was working in the arts. So my plans "altered", if you will. The new plan in place: go to a Conservatory (act on the side when I could- while finishing school) and never look back... perfect.
The school year was going along and I began to look into Conservatories in L.A. (because that is/was the plan in place). The performing art school I was attending at the time was having a college fair and I was more than ready to sell my soul to the devil for a spot in the number one Conservatory (In L.A. of course). As I am walking through the college fair-- keeping my eyes on all L.A. schools, I stumble, no, run into a well dressed young man (hit him pretty hard actually) who was passing out pens to the school he was representing. After nearly running this well dressed young man over I thought the least I could do was take a pen from him and listen to his little spill about his school and why it's the best.
After hearing all he had to say, he directs his speech back to the pen he had given me not five minutes ago. Up until this point I had not noticed the significant detail of the pen, I had just placed it in my stack along with the other ten thousand I had received (yes, I'm dramatic.. just go with it). Looking down in my bag.. which was a CAU bag (California University, yes, yes it was) one pen seemed to out shine the rest; with it's highlighter cap on the end and finger grip on the other. This pen represented the school I would attend in the fall of 2011. Right?
The pen belonged to the school he had been rambling about for the last ten minutes now. A conservatory so proud, so prestigious, so perfect. This conservatory.. being located in NEW YORK was perfect in every way. I lost myself in his ramble and began picturing my life there... walking down the streets, going to the beach.. and then pulled from my day dream hearing the words NEW YORK. Nope, not part of the plan, can not work.
Walking away from the table, none of the other schools compared and it was then that I looked down in my CAU bag and thought about one of the selling points he had mentioned, "You can tell how much a school cares about there students and there students education by how much money they put into there pen." I was beginning to believe he was right; looking at all the other pens, ones that would barely write. Could I change the plan and move to New York? I had always pictured my life in California; I had planned every last detail for my life being in California.
This school and the well dressed young man's speech and that damn pen stayed in my mind for weeks upon weeks. After countless hours of research I gave my heart away to that very same school in New York City; that's where I would attend my first year of college in the fall of 2011.
Senior year came around the corner and I was still set on my "new" plan; going to New York. I don't know if you know or not (which you probably don't) Conservatories are about $45,000 (not including housing). Yes, that's right. And you can forget TOPS (being out of the state and all). You can forget academic scholarships; they don't give any (They don't care about your grades or ACT score). There is one little hope-- a performance based scholarship. But that will only pay about $10,000... if you get the whole thing that is. So, that being said, it is safe to guess the plan was "altered" yet again. The new plan set in place: I'll take the year off, work as an actress-- build my resume, and most importantly save for college.

Well that time has come for me to decide what I am going to do. If you must know, I did not save for college; it just didn't happen. I did however work as an actress and build my resume. So, college for this coming year is a no go. But that is okay because I do not feel that I am ready. I would like to work as an actress more and build my resume more. Starting my "plan" (because we all know I must have a plan in place) I have decided to start school "maybe" in the summer of 2013. Now that I have that plan made, it is time to look at schools. My heart is still with the school in New York but the high crime rate has me looking in other places. Plus, New York is mostly a place for theatre. During my reseach I wondered upon a school in... get this.. California. I really like this school and they offer everything I need and would want.
It's funny how things work out-- I might end up in California after all (like the original plan). Here is where the crossroad meets me head on... go to school or work as an actress?
My mind is in ten thousand places about this decision.
I'm not ready to choose.
But I have too.

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