Monday, December 31, 2012

The year of...

2012 was the year of....




Friday, December 28, 2012

Red: Blood or Color

Sometimes when you hear certain things
you're eyes see red,
your blood runs red,
and you then begin to hear red.

The worst part is not knowing what brings you to this point.
This point where turning back is not an option.
The war is beginning and you must stand and fight.

With no desire to win
you fall short.
Without fear but left with pain.

What will become of the remains is unknown.
The war is over and we only see red.
                                                                                    Red in color... blood.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Where the skeletons live

When I was little, when something would upset me, I would disappear into my room. Once locked away in my room, I would hang my hand and shake my shoulders until I could fully compose myself. I would begin to clean. Moving one item to a new shelf and then back again. Once I was completely under control, I would run to my closet and turn out the light. My arms would fly up to reach the closest long sleeved clothing item my shaking hands could find. Once I grasped the fabric, I began to cry into it. Sobbing for the things I could not control. When sobbing no longer released enough flame, I began to scream into this piece of fabric. Screaming for all the things I hated. I would then grip the shirt with my teeth and bite down as hard as I could. I always envisioned I was draining blood from someone, something, anything. I never let myself finish crying. That just seemed like a treat. Taking the long sleeved shirt that I just raped, I would wipe my tears, open the door and slowly walk out. The light coming in from my single window would blind me. I never allowed myself to squint; The pain felt desired. Closing my closet door, I took one last look at my safe dark hole. I would then continue cleaning like nothing ever happened. To my amazement, I felt saved.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Leave me on

When I'm on, will you leave me on?
I'm going to take my time... night by night.
I'll hold my hair back.
Glaze over my eyes as I only can rescue me.
Make plans with your other hand.
Do not just lust me, my dear.
Touch my eyes as I touch the sky.
Kiss me so hard I forget the moment.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Touching is the balancing act for two people.
Passionately angry

Touching is the white flag at the end of a fight
Passionately angry

Touching settles the score
Touching releases more


Monday, December 17, 2012

How deep does it go?

I wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes. Let's think about this... When you fall down the rabbit hole... you fall-- hard. "They" say when you resurface you come back a changed person. How long do you remain a "changed" person? What if you didn't want to change.. maybe you were happy about falling?

Google says:
Definition of RABBIT HOLE
: a bizarre or difficult state or situation —usually used in the phrase down the rabbit hole.
If you were going through a difficult state, wouldn't you want to travel down the rabbit hole?
I think the rabbit hole is extremely deep. It's cold and dark... underneath any sign of fresh air or natural light.
When I was younger, I watched my father break his own heart. He ran trying to find all the pieces but came back emptied handed. I promised myself I would jump down the rabbit hole if I ever got to that point.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Tilt Back

When I was younger, I absolutely loved waiting for the sun to go down so I could run outside and gaze at the stars. I thought if I stretched my arms high into the darkness, I would be able to rip a star from the night sky. It wasn't until I was older that I learned keeping a star for a pet would never happen.
Now, at 20 years old, it's still my favorite thing to do; tilt my head all the way back and just enjoy the tiny diamonds in a sea of darkness.
This beautiful piece of art ------>
Belongs to Sian. 24 years old.
I found it while creeping on some random blog.

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Golden Night

The Golden Night Will Last Forever
The Golden Tears Will Melt Away
Her Golden Hair Will Grow and Grow
Her Golden Eyes Will Never Show

The Golden Sun Will Shine Down Heavy
Her Golden Skin Will Repel The Damage

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The tale of green- eyed envy

I can not apologize for being an actress. Nor can I apologize for having black hair and blue eyes. I can not and will not apologize for the characters I play. I can not apologize for my pale skin and my willingness to smile. I can not apologize for the success of my career or the characters I have been cast as.
If you find bitterness in the things I can not apologize for, well then I am sorry for you. I can only thank those who support me. And I do, I thank you, all of my supporters!!!

"There will always be people who are bitter over their own lack of success, who will look at yours with green-eyed envy and try to cut you down to their level. If they can't have what you do, they think, they will at least do their best to tarnish it. They'll accuse you of arrogance when you are merely confident. They'll say that they don't get why you're successful and that you're not "all that".
Never listen to them. Pity them.

Instead, do your best to prove them wrong. Help others become as good as you are, if you can. Share your talent. If you're miserly with your talent or full-of-yourself, you'll be giving your detractors more ammo. Prove them wrong. They won't go away, and they won't shut up, but everyone else will see how wrong they are. That's the best victory."

- Drew Cothern

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Not enough rain

When I was a little girl, that time when my name was Angela, I was in love with rain. I believed it was the angels crying and when I went running though it, I would be washed clean of my sins. I would carry my poor little cat, Tigger out by the neck and throw her in a rain puddle. She did not have the same affection for rain as I did.


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A trip to another time

A group of 13th gaters and myself decided to go to Ren Fest!
I had never been before; it definitely met all my expectations.  


Thursday, November 8, 2012

I will love.

I will love. I will and it will rip me to the core. I promise my family, I promise my friends... I will love. Maybe not today or tomorrow but one day I will. When that day comes, you can all turn and say, "The shrew finally loved."

Oh Danny Boy

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Everytime I fell on you, yeah, everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you
But everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you.

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do handstands for you
Everytime I fell on you, yeah, everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you but everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you-ooh-ooh-ooh

For you-ooh-ooh-ooh
So black and blue-ooh-ooh-ooh
For you-ooh-ooh-ooh.

I grabbed some frozen strawberries so I could ice your bruising knees
But frozen things they all unfreeze and now I taste like....
All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruising knees,
Hot July ain't good to me
I'm pink and black and blue for you.

I got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue

Got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue for you-ooh-ooh-ooh

For you-ooh-ooh-ooh
So black and blue-ooh-ooh-ooh
For you-ooh-ooh-ooh


Hey there memory. Let's forget

Forgetting isn't always the easiest part. The memories haunt you. The feelings and smells haunt you. Fighting like hell to break free from a memory can make for a bloody mess. And even when you have slayed the dragon, pieces seem to reform... although your reaction may be different, the "suck factor" is still there. Building a wall never works, because someone sooner or later is going to have to rip that wall down brick by brick.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

To Rule The World

I watched him smoke. I had never wanted to run so much in my life. What was his happiness and where did it come from? Could that cigarette really hold so much power? "Put it down!" I begged him, with no luck. That cigarette sure had more power over him than I did. I watched him as he blew smoke rings... one right after another. Beer in hand and fire in his mouth, he could rule the world. "How much more?" I thought to myself.
When I first laid eyes on him he wore a leather jacket and a frown. Troubled he seemed, troubled he turned out to be. I didn't mind a "bad boy", really I didn't... I just didn't know how to handle one. Handle one without losing myself in the mix. Could I really do it?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Rabbit Hole

Let me tell you about falling down the rabbit hole.
I watched him... and watched him often. He had this way about him that lead you to believe he had everything under control. On the surface, his smile gave light to all things grey and his eyes could leave you breathless. I was crazy about all the things on the surface. The things underneath paid me no interest.
Let me tell you about losing all control.
He had this way of saying my name... like I was the only person he cared to know. When he spoke, walls trembled down to ashes. And when he said my name, those walls could never be rebuilt.

I never saw what could be so terrible about falling down the rabbit hole and losing all control. Maybe that was my flaw.

One day, I watched him fall into a blackness. A blackness no advantage person could rise above, but I knew he could. So I let him fall... I let him fall 100 feet below that rabbit hole with absolutely no control.

I never saw him again.

Monday, November 5, 2012

The Little Bird

Walking around, I saw a little bird. The little bird did not look up at me as I passed but I must have done something right for him to start following me. At first I did not mind, in fact I found it quite flattering. Once I decided to pick up my speed, the little bird became angry. Never looking up at me to express such emotion but I could feel his anger running through his feathers. Why would this little bird care so much to follow me? And wasn't it okay to walk at my own speed? At this thought, I came to a complete stop: If this little bird was going to be following me around, he was going to learn that I make up the rules. Turning on my heels to face the little bird, I noticed for the first time his over powering color; purple with black under tones. Where did this little bird come from? With such striking colors you would think he was one of a kind. Regaining my thoughts, I began to lecture the little bird only to have him ignore me completely. In rage, I threw my hands up and took off running. I no longer wanted this little bird following me. Even though he was beautiful, he was ugly.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Come at me world


After getting the flu this Gate season, I could not be happier to kiss hell week's ass goodbye! November 10th marks the last day of The 13th Gate 2012 season and also happens to be one of the biggest days in history for The 13th Gate... no pressure.

Hdfdsjfkdjsbfkjdsbf, Oh the madness.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Where's my head?

This is hell week. And yes, it is called hell week for a reason Welcome to my life: where sleep is hard to come by and the booze isn't free.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Best Clown Sweater

The other day I was going through my mom's closet and look what I found!!!!

My November Goals

November is my birthday month and what better month to set some time aside to make a goals list.

Paint more.
I love to paint but only paint when I am making a gift for someone. This month, I want to paint for me. Pictures of the finished product(s) shall be posted.

Take a road trip.
I love to travel and take many road trips... mostly to see my sister in Oklahoma. This month, I want to take a road trip for a careless reason. In fact, the trip has been already planned! On November 5th my friend Kiki and I will be taking a 7 hour road trip to see one of our favorite artists, Regina Spektor. A full blog post will be posted of the adventure.

Save more, spend less.
I am saving to buy a car... which should be purchased after Christmas or early January. Every month I fight a battle of shopping. This month, my plan is to focus on saving for my car. Saving more... spending less.

Thank a friend.
Every day this month, my goal is to take time out to thank a different friend for being such an amazing friend. Method shall be done via Facebook, text, or phone call. Will you be hearing from me? :)

Watch Harry Potter.
I have never seen the Harry Potter movies and I believe it is time to do so.

Read five books.
It's no secret that I love reading. Lately, I have not been making time for my favorite hobby. This month my goal is to read five or more books. Completed book list will be posted shortly.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Needs no name

                    The things you find when you're not looking. What a beautiful discovery.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Update-- 10/15/12- 10/18/12

Monday: 10/15/12
Spent the day cleaning and trying to get better. Running fever is terrible. Eh

Tuesday: 10/16/12
Rest In Peace Mr. Kelly.
Dealing is what you must do.

Wednesday: 10/17/12
Still sick... spending the day resting up for the long Haunted weekend ahead.

Thursday: 10/18/12
PAY DAY! Another great show for The 13th Gate.

The lifeeee

This week will be cray cray. Yes.

Sick-- ugh.

The 13th Gate Haunted House is going strong.. if you have not come through, you still have a chance! We are open every Thursday- Saturday until November 10th. Bring in an empty green or blue Monster Energy drink can and receive $5 off.

Acting is going well.. slow but things are looking up.

And always, thank you for the never ending support. You know who you are. Thank you.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Once upon a time

There once was a little girl named, Angela. She ran and played all day until her feet were black and tattered. She dreamed in colors of purple and pink; never saw the harm in a colorful world.
One day, while Angela was playing outside, a horrible storm came and blew her castle down. When the storm had cleared, she could see there was nothing left of her once beautiful home. She knew then she had a decision to make: stay and face the music or turn and run. Angela was never one to give up, but as she looked around at the thousands of memories that now laid to ashes around her feet, she could see no reason to stay; so she ran.

Three years of traveling and Angela finally found her new home. It would never be as beautiful as her castle but it would hold new memories for the time being.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Itch you can't scratch

Maybe it develops in time.. that itch you can't scratch.
How come some people find it and others do not?
I'm always happy for them.. the chosen ones.
Even if it is my heart that mourns.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Let's open those horizons

I cannot put into words how crazy the last few weekends have been. As most of you may know, September through November, my life is fully possessed by The 13th Gate Haunted House.
Opening Weekend: Success
Second Weekend: Success

This weekend is a little different... instead of spending Sunday sleeping my life back to normal, I will be taking a 10 hour road trip to walk (run madly) through a haunted house-- Pause for reaction. I know what you're thinking... what the hell am I doing? Opening my horizons of course.

On the note of opening horizons: I fell madly in love with Humus this past weekend. Never tried it. Now I'm hooked.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I run with zombies


Night before 13th Gate opening night:
It's a late night spent at the office... working, working, working... always working.

Morning of opening night:
Getting things in order for the weekend ahead!

Waiting for my best friend, Quvonda. She also works at the gate with me (where we met).

Yummmmm! Gotta have our tummys full to scare people!

Show time: September 21, 2012 Opening night:
It's here!!! Finally!!!!

After show: Opening night complete:
Sleep over-- we are all dead tired!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Lost and Found

Losing myself is my favorite thing to do; it really is. I love to watch myself transform into this new person I've never met before. Some may say this is scary but I promise you, it's not. It has to be one of the most calming feelings I've ever experienced. Maybe that's why acting is my passion or maybe that's why I'm still on the never ending journey to find myself. How important is it to find something that you have lost? If it was so important, would you have misplaced it to begin with? I don't mind losing myself.. and I don't mind the search for myself. I like the unknown.. I like not knowing who I will be tomorrow.

Lie to me

Rape me down
Take it all  

Show me your power
Show me your control       
Leave me with nothing
Not even a name

Make me hate you
Every last bit

Lie to me
Lie to me                                                

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The question

What if I want more?
What if I want more from this body that holds my soul?
Is that too much to ask?

Would I be deemed to hell for questioning all that I know?

I want so much more from this life, it crawls through my blood.
My heart is black but for what reason?
Is it wrong to want all the wrong things?

Would I be troubled if I question all that I know?

I can not quite decide how deep hate runs.
If I cut the surface, would it tell me?
If I poison your soul, would you hate me?

Would I be hated for questioning all that I know?

I want all the wrong things, the hated things.

Update-- Picture style

September 14, 2012:
Audition, Audition. Packed the car and headed down to New Orleans.

September 15, 2012:
13th Gate Orientation.

September 17, 2012
Call Back-- An actors favorite word! Back to New Orleans for the day!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The way of my world

Today I will begin the search for myself.
Losing everything I know to only gain more.
I will not run in formation with the rest of the world.
Capturing the stars will guide me further.

I will trace my scars and paint new ones.
Never waiting for arms to embrace me.
The promise of love will no longer linger.
I will stand and be heard before I am seen.
This is the way of my world.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Working Girl

As many of you know, I have been quite the working girl lately... my head may spin off and unto the floor any moment. So, let's do our normal (what's normal) update shall we?

THE 13TH GATE season is starting this month and I could not be more excited to scare/seduce the crap out of people. If you do not know (what size is the rock you live under?) I am an actress for The Number One Haunted House in the Country... The 13th Gate. We did not get this title for nothing, so if you think you can handle it, come on down! "It's a screaming good time". A blog post with our full schedule will be up soon along with coupon offers.

My short film, RECOVERY is up and running with full force ahead. I could not be happier with the way things are going... I am a proud momma bear! This is a picture of the beautiful Devin Derbes on set doing a media video for Recovery!

THE ACTING WORLD is looking up for me at the current moment. Of course, one day you're in and the next day you're out. But for the last few weeks, I HAVE BEEN IN which is amazing and I give it all to God.       
This is a picture of the studio where filming has been taking place.

Just a little update for you guys, Love you all!

Friday, August 31, 2012

High For This

You don't know what's in store 
But you know what you're here for 
Close your eyes, lay some beside me  
Hold tight for this ride  
We don't need no protection  
Come alone, we don't need attention
Open your hand, take a glass  

Don't be scared, I'm right here  
Even though, you don't know  
Trust me boy, you wanna be high for this
Take it off, you want it off 

Cause I know what you're feeling It's okay, boy, I feel it too  
Let it be, baby breathe 
I swear I'm right here  
We'll be good, I promise, we'll be so good
Open your hand, take a glass 

Don't be scared, I'm right here  
Even though, you don't know  
Trust me boy, you wanna be high for this  
You wanna be high for this  
You wanna be high for this  
You wanna be high for this  
You wanna be high for this

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Camera me up!

Hey guys! Today, I need your help! I am wanting to purchase a camera for filming purposes and I have heard that the Canon Rebel T3i is amazing!!! But I want to be smart and do my research! I have linked the camera below. If you are someone who has any knowledge of this sort, please check out the link and let me know your thoughts. You can reach me through Facebook along with email : anniecarson11@gmail. Canon EOS Rebel T3i 18 Megapixel Body Only Digital SLR 5169B001 (Google Affiliate Ad)


Riddell Miami Hurricanes Collectible On-Field Helmet (Google Affiliate Ad)

I'm not just talking about the hurricane coming at us... I'm talking about this Riddell Miami Hurricanes helmet. it's $269.99!!

Just kidding! Let's talk about this hurricane coming at us-- I hope you guys went and got all the supplies you will need!!

Hope everyone is safe!









Thursday, August 23, 2012

Oh the goals

Today's blog is going to be about my goals-- original, I know.

Produce my short film, Recovery.
As many of you already know, this is in the works. But I can not mark it off the goals list until it is completed and entered into a film festival. If you want more info on it.... check out our Facebook page. Links and such will be provided-- you know the drill.

Travel to England.
I have always been extremely fascinated by the culture of England-- I am one of those people that sit around and watch HGTV shows where they house hunt for people moving to London. AND I FREAKIN LOVE IT. I do not believe I would want to move there permanently but a long month visit would be nice! It's been a long time goal of mine and I want to see it come true!

Publish a book.
If you can not tell (which it should be pretty obvious) I really enjoy writing. Every since I can remember I have always written poems. Over the years writing poetry has drifted into writing stories and scripts. Just recently I have started looking into publishing some of my work on a website for Ereaders-- it would be known as an Ebook. I have not made the jump yet but I am thinking about it. Maybe after Recovery is produced I'll have the time to sit down and really think about the pros and cons. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Update from the wild twisted world of my inner brain!

Hello my little lovey readers!
It has been a while since I have been able to sit at my computer and just write! And when I mean just write, I mean with zero topic in the mist or any dead line to follow. SO BEWARE OF CONTENT. CLICK OUT NOW.

For those of you still left, welcome into the wild twisted world of my inner brain (NOT TO LATE TO LEAVE... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED).

First item on the agenda, MY TEETH. I have been wearing Invisalign for a little less than two months now and a huge difference has already been made. If any of you have or have had braces, you know the feeling that I am speaking of-- that feeling of complete and total victory.

Second item on the agenda, MY HAIR. As all of you should know, my hair is black. Black like my morning cup of Joe! If you are friends with me on Facebook then you probably have seen the many posts of the future hair colors I want... and for those of you of who haven't seen the pictures... let's catch up! I WANT PINK, I WANT BLUE, I WANT PURPLE, I WANT RED, I WANT YELLOW, I WANT.... WILDNESS! Okay, so now that we have covered that, let's talk about what I plan to do about it. Being an actress limits me on the amount of WILDNESS I can have in my hair. So, I'm thinking about doing purple tips. AND THEN RED, THEN, PINK, THEN GREEN, THEN BLUE, THEN.... WILDNESS! I plan to start with purple-- a dark purple like grape or plum. My mother had a fit when I started coloring my hair black but now it's just who I am and I couldn't see myself without it. I am sure she will have a small (MAJOR) fit when I actually do get purple tips but I'll be 20 in November and it's something I want to do. Plus, I need to do it while I'm young and can still embrace the WILDNESS.

Third  item on the agenda, MY SHORT FILM. I have created a masterpiece (matter of opinion, I know). The story line is simple, a Gothic girl trys to kill herself but does not go through with it. Her and her best friend begin therapy sessions-- where the story unfolds. You can find more info on our Facebook page.!/recoveryshortfilm11

Forth item on the agenda, THE 13TH GATE. October is just around the corner.. and you know what that means? SCARY HALLOWEEN AND THE 13TH GATE SEASON. Being an actress for The 13th Gate, I care about this dearly as where you may not.     
The picture to the right ------> Is a picture of me as the Gypsy!

Fifth item on the agenda, MY FRIENDS. We all have those bad apple friends. It may take us some time to pick them out, but sooner or later we have a basket full. Just recently I came across the worst kind, the malicious kind. These apples are very hard to spot... they are sly. Making you feel as though they truly care but really their is a method to their madness... something they want. This "friend" was out for personal vendetta, not caring what their "false statements" could possibly do to me. The best part is that this "friend" was and is convinced that I would and do believe anything and everything that was and is spoken from his pretty lips. Hello, doing a little research can go a long way... and that's just what I did.

Sixth item on the agenda, MY SANITY. I promise you it's no longer with me.                                

Friday, July 13, 2012

Chasing the rush of love

What's the rush to fall in love?
I really do not understand why people today are racing to fall in love... what's the appeal?
Being chained to someone sounds like the worst idea in the entire world. Maybe I am heartless or maybe I just have not found "the one" to change my views on the subject. Am I open to the idea of that "one love"? Maybe.. maybe not.
When I'm acting... that's the feeling of pure ecstasy. If I could find someone that could give me that high, then maybe I would settle into the idea of being chained.
Acting is so freeing. I get to be someone that I will never be. I get to say the things I am too afraid to say. I get to feel emotion... emotions that my heart, mind and body have pushed away into the black hole of my being. I get of all this from acting.. why on earth would I give that up to invest my time into a person? A person that can not promise me perfection. A person that can not promise me forever. Not like acting can. Call me crazy but I'm not asking you to agree.. I'm not even asking you to understand.
You can blame it on daddy issues, you can blame it on lack of kindness, but I enjoy freedom. I enjoy not being caged like a little bird.
"I'm a mess.. I must confess."
I want to buy a bike. Not just any bike... one with a basket and a bell.
I want to buy a bike. Closes thing to flying I'll ever get.
I want to buy a bike. Warming my skin under the suns control.
I want to buy a bike. Feeling free for a second or two.
I want to buy a bike. Only riding in a sun dress.. as they do in the movies.
I want to buy a bike. For no other reason but pure joy.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

New Day

I woke up this morning knowing that today would bring something wonderful.
Three clues that lead me to believe this: My cat did not dip her furry little paw into my coffee. I was able to find my shoes without causing a hurricane in my closet. And finally, my hair was agreeing with me today.
When getting ready this morning, I decided that wearing an oversized sweater with much too tight of jeans, flip flips and zero make-up would be all right for today's activities. Well, as it turned out, the sweater was WAY to oversized and demanded to fall off my shoulders every second.. which left my bra straps showing... cute. After messing with my sweater for the 100th time I just so happen to look down and see that my toes are looking horrible! My right foot only has one toe painted... and it happens to be dark blue and it also happens to be coming off which gives the appearance that I have a bruised toe. On the left foot, my big toe is painted dark blue and the rest of my toes on that foot are painted a light pink. My friend Levi will understand why the story of my toes is totally disappointing (I take care of my feet people, really I do!!!). You're probably wondering about my jeans by now, right? Well, let's just say I cannot sit and have them buttoned at the same time. So today's, promising wardrobe was more of a fail. You guys are probably thinking of me as a high maintenance little brat... but I only wish that were true. I actually had to be somewhere today that requires me to look nice, approachable, friendly, and last but not least, put together--- Work with my mom. She works at a church as a Commuacation Specialist and while I'm here with her I must have full control of the front desk and answer the phone on the first ring... not the second, but the first (laughing yet, mom?). On a serious note, she has a wonderful job and works with wonderful people... I do truly love going with her when I can. I managed to get through my little "look like a mess issue" without eating someone... so we're good.
So, if you read my blog often... well if you read my blog post yesterday then you will know that I was feeling pretty low about my luck with acting and the questions of my future. If you know me at all, you know that I never stay down long. I promised God and myself today that I would not allow those thoughts to come into my head.. and just as I made that promise, I was booked for an audition! God is good, oh how God is good! The audition is in Texas and since I was born to the most supportive and believing mother in the world, we are going to make the trip! I love my momma bear oh so very much.
Eating healthy started today, so if you are someone that I come in contact with on a daily bases... you might beware-- mood is going to be wicked. Started eating healthy for my career; better food means better hair, skin, and body. All things that get you far in the world of acting. Speaking of getting far in the acting world... TEETH! I am getting invisalign-- Huge thanks to my mom and grandparents! I have already been fitted for my trays.. just waiting for them to come in. I should only have to wear them for five months, which is amazing because we were thinking more like two years.

Thanks to all who read my blog. And thank you to those who support me.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Sing me a sad song

Day after day I have been looking at a blank page. Zero ideas and zero motivation.
Two years ago I could sit down and spend hours upon hours writing.. just writing... about nothing. I can not seem to find that skill again.
I had a scary thought today: How long will I be able to use the "I'm an actor waiting for my big break" excuse for my low class jobs and zero highier education? How old until I become "The actress that never was?" What a horrible thought... but I can't help think about it. I believe in myself 100%... but every actor feels this way at some point, right? The unknown can really suck. (Sorry for my lack of grammer).
What's motivation again? And where do I find it?

Back to normal postings tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Magic

Five things I'm grateful for today:
April 18, 2012

1. My capability to walk. 
One of my biggest fears is to lose my ability to walk. I do not believe I am a strong enough person to go through something like becoming paralyzed; I feel like my will to live would be gone. I believe this is something people often take for granted-- and I no longer will.

2. My home.

My parents have worked so hard to give my sister and I a roof over our heads. I always find myself picking our home apart or naming all the things that are wrong with it. But I am grateful to have a place to sleep at night and a place to call home.  

3. My grandparents.

I always take my grandparents for granted and never really thank them for all they do. This being the only set that I have ever known. I gotta stop ignoring their phone calls, or avoid seeing them. "They won't be around forever", as my mother is always telling me.

4. My love for art.

Now, this is not a material item but it is something that I am truly grateful for. I am unsure of the person I would be without having art in my life.

5. The fan in my bedroom.

As I was sleeping last night I was beginning to become very hot and uncomfortable. A simple walk about 10 steps and the fan is now on. I never think about it but many people to not have that luxury.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Oh, hi there crossroads... I'm not ready to choose

As all of you may know, I am an actress. I starting acting when I was four years old and I have always had the same plan in motion: Move to L.A. and work as an actress-- never look back. Now, this is all fine and dandy (still very much the plan) but what I did not know while I was "writing these plans in stone" is what about college?
Going to college was never really something I knew was going to work for me-- I'm not the studying type. My junior year of high school I learned of all these Conservatories just for art students... and my mind was blown. I would have never thought in a million years I could go to college and not have to take math, science, and crap, crap, crap. And to actually be in a school where EVERYONE loved and was working in the arts. So my plans "altered", if you will. The new plan in place: go to a Conservatory (act on the side when I could- while finishing school) and never look back... perfect.
The school year was going along and I began to look into Conservatories in L.A. (because that is/was the plan in place). The performing art school I was attending at the time was having a college fair and I was more than ready to sell my soul to the devil for a spot in the number one Conservatory (In L.A. of course). As I am walking through the college fair-- keeping my eyes on all L.A. schools, I stumble, no, run into a well dressed young man (hit him pretty hard actually) who was passing out pens to the school he was representing. After nearly running this well dressed young man over I thought the least I could do was take a pen from him and listen to his little spill about his school and why it's the best.
After hearing all he had to say, he directs his speech back to the pen he had given me not five minutes ago. Up until this point I had not noticed the significant detail of the pen, I had just placed it in my stack along with the other ten thousand I had received (yes, I'm dramatic.. just go with it). Looking down in my bag.. which was a CAU bag (California University, yes, yes it was) one pen seemed to out shine the rest; with it's highlighter cap on the end and finger grip on the other. This pen represented the school I would attend in the fall of 2011. Right?
The pen belonged to the school he had been rambling about for the last ten minutes now. A conservatory so proud, so prestigious, so perfect. This conservatory.. being located in NEW YORK was perfect in every way. I lost myself in his ramble and began picturing my life there... walking down the streets, going to the beach.. and then pulled from my day dream hearing the words NEW YORK. Nope, not part of the plan, can not work.
Walking away from the table, none of the other schools compared and it was then that I looked down in my CAU bag and thought about one of the selling points he had mentioned, "You can tell how much a school cares about there students and there students education by how much money they put into there pen." I was beginning to believe he was right; looking at all the other pens, ones that would barely write. Could I change the plan and move to New York? I had always pictured my life in California; I had planned every last detail for my life being in California.
This school and the well dressed young man's speech and that damn pen stayed in my mind for weeks upon weeks. After countless hours of research I gave my heart away to that very same school in New York City; that's where I would attend my first year of college in the fall of 2011.
Senior year came around the corner and I was still set on my "new" plan; going to New York. I don't know if you know or not (which you probably don't) Conservatories are about $45,000 (not including housing). Yes, that's right. And you can forget TOPS (being out of the state and all). You can forget academic scholarships; they don't give any (They don't care about your grades or ACT score). There is one little hope-- a performance based scholarship. But that will only pay about $10,000... if you get the whole thing that is. So, that being said, it is safe to guess the plan was "altered" yet again. The new plan set in place: I'll take the year off, work as an actress-- build my resume, and most importantly save for college.

Well that time has come for me to decide what I am going to do. If you must know, I did not save for college; it just didn't happen. I did however work as an actress and build my resume. So, college for this coming year is a no go. But that is okay because I do not feel that I am ready. I would like to work as an actress more and build my resume more. Starting my "plan" (because we all know I must have a plan in place) I have decided to start school "maybe" in the summer of 2013. Now that I have that plan made, it is time to look at schools. My heart is still with the school in New York but the high crime rate has me looking in other places. Plus, New York is mostly a place for theatre. During my reseach I wondered upon a school in... get this.. California. I really like this school and they offer everything I need and would want.
It's funny how things work out-- I might end up in California after all (like the original plan). Here is where the crossroad meets me head on... go to school or work as an actress?
My mind is in ten thousand places about this decision.
I'm not ready to choose.
But I have too.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Week with Marilyn

My Week with Marilyn has been on my must see list every since it was released. I am very disappointed to took me so long to actually rent it. I would suggest you get off your butt, run to the nearest Red Box and RENT THIS MOVIE. My personal rating for the film is a 4 out of 5 (always room for improvement). Three words to sum it up? Charming, honest and last but not least, raw. I was so moved by this movie I thought what better way to express myself than a blog post? After seeing the movie, I did a little research (I'm a nerd) on the making of the film, the making of the actual film she was working on at the time, and of course her. Down below, you can see that I wrote the summary out for you guys... and we will go from there-- enjoy!

Plot: In 1956 Laurence Olivier is directing a movie in London and he cast Marilyn Monroe for the lead. As the film is being made it becomes very clear that Marilyn is getting on Olivier’s nerves because of her many demands and acting ineptness. Just as things begin to heat up for the worst, Marilyn takes an interest in Colin Clark, a young eager film student and she invites him into her inner world. Colin soon learns of her many struggles with her fame, her beauty, and her desire to be a great actress. Eventually Clark falls madly in love with Marilyn and everyone around him trys to warn him of her charm and heart breaking ways. Clark takes his adventure with Marilyn as a life altering experience.

Marilyn was played by Michelle Willaims who spent an entire year preparing for the role. Michelle's hard work paid off as she won the Golden Globe for best actress-- which turns out to be the same award Marilyn won over 20 years ago.


Now let's get down to some facts about the real Marilyn, after all, she is the star of the show.

- Believe it or not, she was found to be very shy.
- She stared in 33 films
- Her music is still being used today in shows like, Burlesque, Dancing with the Stars, Mad men, etc.
- She always said, "My problem is that I drive myself, I'm trying the become an artist, and to be true and sometimes I feel I'm on the verge of craziness."
- Her last film, Something's Got to Give (1962) was very completed due to her death.

On the set of, Something's got to give

My grandmother resembles her a bit here

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Hey, I'm the Baptist girl

                                     Thursday April, 5 2012
Hey, Look at me, I'm the Baptist girl at a Passover Seder dinner. Yep, That's right I attended my first Passover dinner and "whoa" is all I can say. It was a wonderful event and a great learning experience and I am very glad I participated. 

Photo to the left is me eating Matzahs which is a bread that is eaten at the Passover Seder dinner.
(My new favorite snack)

Photo to the right is the table setting for the Passover dinner.


Monday April 9, 2012
Very laid back day: Got caught up on house cleaning (about time), watched three movies that had been on my list for awhile, and loved on my sweet kitty. A huge let down on Smash... kind of a pointless episode I thought... boooo! But on a cheerful  note, The Voice was the best yet! Mondays are my "I'm not doing anything but relax" kind of days. I hate Mondays so I choose to make it better by doing nothing.  ;)

Tuesday April 10, 2012
CRAWFISH and it was so yummy; 15 lbs-- mother and I KILLED IT.
Spent the rest of the night working on some scene study with a nice bowl of caramel popcorn. Wow, my days are so eventful, as you can see! Ha ha.

Wednesday April 11, 2012
Working hard for the $$$ today! Today and tomorrow will be full of work and no fun! Continuing on my scene study work-- wanting to have all 90435723405 scenes down for Friday. And if you must know, I have zero down as of now. Oh the joys!!!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

A Trip to Remember!

My mother and I set out to visit my sister (and her friends) in Oklahoma; and what a trip it was!
We left Thursday night around 8 and drove all night and a little into the morning. The drive was... least to say, entertaining.
I was a little pumped, you think?
Things were going smooth until we reached Hugo Texas where we were then stopped by a cop. Of course, with my mother and I nothing can be normal; We were driving along minding our own business (mom was speeding, of course). We pass this HUGE truck and mom might have taken a little too long to dim her lights (Being 2 in the morning and the only ones on the road, who cared?) Well this guy definitely cared. I little bit after we passed this HUGE truck, we see that he has made a complete u turn in the middle of the road. And of course I start thinking about every scary movie in the book and starting to plan my death in my head. He starts to gain speed and eventually he got right behind us. Mom and I were freaking out! Soon after this game of chase, the truck started his lights... but mom and I had a hard time believing this was a cop in this HUGE truck. Mom pulled over and once again I start thinking of the events of my death and how painful it will probably be (I watch way too much TV). The man's lights were so bright that we could not see him actually get out of his HUGE truck... magically he appears right beside the driver window. He was hugged up onto the car which made it every hard to see him. Mom refused to roll down her window until we saw that he was wearing a full uniform, a cool little cop like belt, and a badge. Once we saw all those things mom rolled down her window. He must have just been bored to have stopped us for not dimming the lights quick enough. When mom told him that he scared us because we never saw a cop driving in such a HUGE truck before, he laughed and said, "Well, we drive trucks down here" (with a MAJOR Texas swang to his voice). He was super friendly and did not give us a ticket (yay). My friend Scott will enjoy this story.. He is a cop... from Texas.

Running on four cups of coffee and a high intake of sugar I was beginning to become wildly delusional. With this said, I was seeing sounds (That's how delusional). We are driving along and everything is going fine and we pass two deer eating on the side of the road. After seeing these two deer I became extremely convinced that we were going to hit a deer and die (I'm a blast to travel with).

Once we actually made it there things were going better! Only getting about four hours of sleep and waking up early to sit in the hot sun to watch my sister play ball, but it was all good. She pitched both games and did an awesome job (They won both).
Along with watching her play ball, mom and I got to meet a few of your closest friends, Sam, Forrest, and Adam. Sam was hilarious and being from Texas, he sounded like it ;).. He was super sweet and a joy to be around. Forrest was a-m-a-z-i-n-g and we found out that we are so very much alike. He was so funny and completely adorable! I was only able to meet Adam briefly but from the little time I was around him, he was very sweet!
On the last day our of trip, Court's truck wouldn't start. Karma anyone? After having a friend look at it we decided the best option was to get it towed to a local shop and to then hope for the best. And that's just what we did. The mechanic is looking at it today (Thursday) hopefully it will be a quick fix and not too much $$$$$ (it doesn't rain money, you know).
All in all the trip was wonderful. We got back around 7 Monday night and I have spent the remainder of the week catching up on sleep... you know how I am.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Movies of the Month: March

1st up: Drive starring Ryan Gosling. This movie was released September 16, 2011. I enjoyed it but I do not think it is a film that all will enjoy-- it was quite artful... and by this I mean, quite silent. The actual dialogue between characters is rather very small. Rated R was violence and bloody scenes. And they aren't talking about a little blood... they mean A LOT! A Hollywood stunt driver becomes involved with a money deal gone wrong in order to save the woman he loves husband (What? I know). But he isn't your average hero, he comes with charming good looks, sexy body, and killer driving skills.

I would recommend this movie to those who are open minded.

Next up: Hugo. Sadly I have to say I lost interest in this movie very quickly. I found it to be long and not exactly getting to the point. My mother and I watched this together and we both lost interest. She regained her interest as the movie went one but unfortunately, I did not (So much that I began to paint my nails). The story is set in 1930s Paris. A young boy is left to his uncle after his father died in a tragic fire. Soon after, his uncle leaves him without notice and the young boy picks up his duties as the clock keeper. As the young boy runs around the city, he learns of a special gift his father has left behind. With the help of a few new friends, Hugo (The young boy) figures out all the wonders this gift can bring.

21 Jump Street: Funny, Funny, and did I say Funny? Now, I am not be the best person to rate this movie... Well, because I was in it, so of course I thought it rocked!
The plot is very simple: Two goofy cops are given the task to go under cover for a hopeful high school drug bust. Along the journey these two cops are taking there role as high school students a little too seriously and of course being in the fashion of high school, drama follows! This a laugh out loud movie with tons of action. Rated R for nudity, drug use, and language. Starring Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, and Dave Franco.

Next up: The Ides of March, starring George Clooney and Ryan Gosling. What a thriller mixed beautifully with twister! This movie will have you on the edge of your seats and biting your nails until the end credits. The story line takes you into the inside dirty ways of the political world. I believe even if you are not one for political matters, you can still enjoy this film. I would have to say the best word for this film is "shocking". You will be "shocked" from the beginning until the end. Make sure you put this one on your list!

 My week with Marilyn:
A full blog post will be coming soon.
Yes, this movie is that goooooood!
5 stars!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Poem of the hour: Creepy House

If I could live in a house made big and tall
I would not be afraid to run and fall

If you see my house from the street
Then take a good look and give a screech

The darker the better as the paint sets
Who would dare enter is all for bets

Fear my house if you wish
You'll see me in the window as I blow a kiss

Home sweet home if you can believe
I cast the spell as you retrieve

Run in fear little ones, run
Just look at me, I'm having fun

- Just a fun little poem that was inspired by the picture above.
* I won't cast spells on anyone* ;)